"This was not how I pictured it"

I can firmly attest that when I started the Student Nursing Associate (SNA) course, I did not imagine that I would be nursing in a pandemic. Throughout the second (and final) year of my training, I struggled to come to terms with studying during Covid-19; pushing myself to face the difficulties with a smile, knowing that there were people fighting for their lives. In contrast, my battles with Microsoft Teams and attempts to complete an assignment the day after holding someone's hand as they died alone seemed insignificant.

Christmas was a muted affair this year. I am not religious, but I do relish the values that Christmas holds, and look forward to spending quality time with my family. But contracting Covid on my last student shift, and then passing it on to R despite all our best efforts meant that neither of us felt well enough to really celebrate. It also meant that instead of starting my new job on the 27th December as originally planned, I didn't start until the 1st January. Although the irony of my first day, on the first day of the month and of the year was not lost on me. I have accepted a job working on the Frailty unit - where I have been based for the 2 years of my training. After having had experiences working in ED and in Paediatrics, I was hoping to work in either of those departments. But with no jobs available, I decided to stay put rather than trying to move for the sake of moving. I really enjoy my work on Frailty - it is a privilege to nurse older people. Nursing the older person is a huge challenge because there are so many elements to consider. Often there is cognitive decline, as well as a physiological cause for a person to be in the hospital, and there are social considerations to bear in mind too. When I did a placement on an Acute Medical Unit, I found it hard to recognise that I didn't have to wait for confirmation of a package of care before I could discharge one of my patients; and that their family could come and pick them up. It made me realise how many different elements of care I have to ensure are in place when I am nursing my patients.

So the first day dawned. I had spent the day before getting ready for work. My uniform was pressed, albeit the wrong uniform as the order had not been supplied properly, and my lunch was ready. I got up early so I could take some time to mentally prepare myself. "I'm supernumerary," I told myself. Which meant that I would be working alongside a Registered Nurse (RN), and would be closely supported in everything I did. Fast forward 2 hours and I am standing with a bank nurse and one Clinical Support Worker (CSW), working out a plan of how we are going to run the ward. So much for supernumerary. I found that as I was still wearing my student uniform, I wasn't taken seriously. Trying to contact senior team members on behalf of a patient I found I was passed over; even though I was the one that had completed the observations, and thought the patient needed a doctor review. I found myself asserting multiple times that I was supposed to be supernumerary and it was my first day as a band 4, in order to try and gain more support from those not directly on the ward. Luckily, everyone was very understanding the moment I mentioned it. At the time, I was upset that I didn't get the treatment I needed and deserved as a newly qualified member of staff, but since then I have spent time reflecting and I have determined to ask for a proper induction to the ward so that I know what people expect from me. I have also highlighted to the practice development team (a team dedicated to supporting learners and newly qualified staff) that my ward needs some support in what a band 4 member of staff can and can't do according to Trust policy.

It was a draining and difficult shift. But overall I am pleased with how I handled things, and look forward to the next shift. Clinically all of my patients were safe and well looked after, and my documentation was good. I spoke with relatives in difficult circumstances and tried to be supportive of the RN and CSW working with me.

When it came to handover in the evening, I was cross with myself as I didn't think it was very clear and concise, and I felt bad for handing over jobs to do. But I have since come to terms with this, as a senior nurse keeps reminding me - it is 24-hour care! I have also made myself some lists, so I can handover in a more concise manner in the future. I love lists. They make me feel like I know what I am doing!

Onwards and upwards!