"What on earth have I done?"

So after a week of annual leave, I am ready to reflect on my first week as a supernumerary RNA on a high dependency/respiratory ward. I don't think I have ever experienced anything so intense, which is an odd reflection considering my recent experience in ITU. I think the difference is that in a few weeks I will be expected to be an autonomous (albeit new and newly qualified) practitioner, which means I am trying to take as much in as possible, ready for when I fly the nest. In contrast, when I was in ITU, I knew I was there for one night, and viewed it as a learning opportunity.

At times it has been a bit overwhelming, because of it being a new environment. There have been times that I have thought "what on earth have I done?!", and wondered why I thought I would be able to undertake a job in such an area. And then almost immediately I have thought "I love this! I am being challenged, and am learning so much, I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!" I have often wondered about my abilities and whether or not I am or will be good enough. But the main thing I have learnt this week is that as long as I communicate with my colleagues and senior staff, there will always be lots of support and encouragement. I have noticed how supportive all of the staff are of each other, and I have immediately been welcomed into the team.

There is a lot I don't know - specific to the ward area. For example, CPAP, BIPAP and chest drains; as well as a whole host of other respiratory gubbins. But the support on the ward to learn about these areas is phenomenal, and I know that if I ask for help I will get it. It has taken me some time to realise too, that just because I don't know about the specifics of respiratory nursing, doesn't mean that I have magically forgotten the last 2 years of training that I have undertaken and forgotten how to nurse patients. After my first day I got into a bit of a panic and thought that I didn't even know how to undertake a 'proper' respiratory assessment, how was I going to be any good?

So that night I logged onto my RCNi account and went through a CPD respiratory assessment quiz. When I got 100%, I realised that I know more than I think, I need to calm down and think things through! It also made me glad for all the nursing support that is available, both in trust and through organisations like the RCN that means that if I have a confidence wobble at 2AM, I can do something about it.

I think where I started my RNA role on the ward I was on as a student, I didn't get a true representative experience of starting a new job and new role. So now I am getting that 2 months in, which is a bit weird. But at least I have some experience to draw on which can only be a good thing. In theory, moving wards will push me to go past the boundaries I have put on myself, and give me opportunities to learn and grow as an RNA.

I wonder what week 2 will bring?